I'm one of those women whose exes always check-in. I'll get the semi-annual email, "Hey, how are you? How's your mom!" The seasonal text, "Hey, what's up? I'm thinking about you." The bi-monthly phone call, "How's it going? How's your mother? Father? Sister? The dogs?"
I'm always cool and appreciative of the concern. "I'm fine, thanks. Everyone's fine. Thanks for asking."
But what I really mean to ask is, "What do you want? Why are you emailing at midnight? Do you miss me?"
I used to think that an ex's reaching out meant that I was being thought of in a positive way. And that perhaps my ex was regretting his status in my life, and was in fact looking for re-entry. I've recently concluded that the concern isn't really about me. It has very little to do with me at all.
My best male friend said, "Men always check-in for two reasons, 1) to make sure they haven't become baby daddies, and 2) once that's been established, they need to know that someone out there still cares for them. That if their present situation doesn't work out, they've got an emotional resting place. You," he continued, "Are a nice soft place to rest!"
"Wow, I'm a great place to rest, just not stay. I'm a motel!"
"Hotel! A Five Star Hotel!"
"But not a house with a picket fence and backyard?"
"Of course you are. Someday, the right guy will think you're the perfect house! But since none of these guys did, stop making them feel better!"
Well, that hit like a TON of bricks. All this time I thought that even though I hadn't met my Prince Charming, I was so charming that men just couldn't forget about me. But, if I am to trust my friend's summation, I was simply boosting egos long after it was my duty! And that makes me BITTER!
What say you? Do you and an ex check-in periodically? Or do you change your number/email address every time you end a relationship? Purge and Surge.
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