The ONLY cool thing about being broke right now is that EVERYONE'S either in the same boat, or too scared to judge because they're a paycheck away from joining me! But in denial of that fact, they are being really nice, and really, really generous! When I pass up an outing due to lack of disposal funds, I receive a cheerful, "I'll pay!" from most everyone. Which is GREAT karma. When I was fortunate, I did my share of treating others less fortunate than I, so I don't feel weird about the payback.
But now I understand why some hesitated to accept my offerings. They were afraid of my becoming a Benevolent Abuser (BA). Here are three examples of such behavior:
1) BA 1 recently invited me for a short tryst. I was writing at home, and was happy to take an hour-long break. The hour turned into four, and my protests fell on deaf ears because she was paying.
2) BA 2 and I were late for a 2-hour movie, so she parked at a 30-minute meter. OK? One might expect that we’d take turns feeding the meter, but it was clear that I was expected to hop up every 27 minutes to avoid getting a ticket!
3) BA 3 invited me to dinner with him and his friends, and verbally attacked me when I chose to disagree with his POV. He then used his Amex in place of Hallmark to tender an apology.
In all three cases I believe that the Benevolent Abusers started with the best of intentions, but my financial vulnerability triggered something in their subconscious, and a power struggle ensued. On the surface, they were being “friends in deed,” for “this friend in need!” But a deeper look reveals the truth—they were purchasing my time. And once I allowed myself to be up for sale, boundaries were crossed.
Moral of the story: I SHOULD HAVE KEPT MY BROKE ASS AT HOME.
How do you deal with lack of funds in a social setting? Allow others to pay? Consume a small green salad and water then refuse to split the bill? Or forgo it all, opting instead to stay at home writing in your BITTER journal? Share your story.
PURGE AND SURGE
First off, when I pay, I PAY. I don't expect payback. The 'payback,' I assume, is your company. And when YOU pay, I don't feel I owe you anything. So I say, DON'T STAY HOME cause you're broke. If someone is willing to pay, let them. Your company is worth it. And stop feeling guilty about being broke. (I know from whence I speak: Been there, done that) Also, stop feeling as if some payback is due, even if the idiot paying for diner does. That's HIS problem, and we ain't got time for other people's problems.
ReplyDeleteSee you at breakfast ;)