It occurred to me, that while most women are seeking mates who live up to their fathers, big brothers, or other fantasy males (e.g. Brad Pitt, Will Smith, Bill Gates), I've been holding out for a man who measures up to my lesbian friends. Seriously. Someone who is as responsible, respectful, secure, kind and compassionate as my ladies who love other ladies.
This isn't a coming out piece. I'm quite happy loving and desiring men, and according to The Kinsey Scale, I am 99.9% heterosexual. However, I now understand what attracts straight women to women who are not. Lesbians are like super-girlfriends...they take care of you in a way that Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte could never fathom.
I've always been a girls' girl. I have a large circle of female friends. They are my best friends, sisters, soul mates. The ones who've held my hand through all of life's disappoinments and who cheered when things went very well. And yet, when love came into their lives, and men became their central focus, things changed. Thin walls were erected as the protection of these romantic unions and their offspring became the necessary priority. And my single girlfriends? For the most part, they are experiencing several of the same issues as I. I often wonder if there is a silent competition for men and security that keeps us from being 100% in each other's corners 100% of the time.
Male friends? I'm starting to believe in the premise of WHEN HARRY MET SALLY. I once thought I had several close male friends, but as time wore on, and true loves were found, our bonds faded. Again, perhaps necessarily. And the ones who remain single...there's a reason why they haven't attached to anyone. With very few exceptions (honestly I can only think of one), they are more insecure, more hyper-critical, more judgmental than I can handle. I'm fragile enough these days without the "help" of their constant analysis.
Which brings me back to my super-girlfriends. I have been astonished by the kindness and support I've received. Most friends will say, "How can I help?" And then it's on me to come up with the list. My super-girlfriends just do shit--without my asking. A card will arrive in the mailbox with a check and a note, "Hope this helps. Repay when you can!" An email will pop-up, "XYZ is looking for execs, I put in a good word for you. They are expecting your call." There'll be a knock at the door. "I went to Whole Foods, and I know how much you love their organic meats, so here you go." And it's all done in such a loving way, that I don't feel like a charity case. I feel like someone's got my back.
And perhaps it's because I've done such a poor job of picking potential mates that I can say in all honesty, that I've rarely felt so supported by any man.
But I believe he's out there.
Dear Mr. Future Husband,
I know you're warm, kind, secure, funny, loving, accepting, and smart. And I trust that you're on your way to me. But seriously, I need you to hurry!!
You Future Wife